A short guide on how to Fangirl like a professional.

Inspired by the presence of One Direction in our very own nation/city/postcode, my dear friend Caitlyn and I decided we’d put together an easy how-to guide on Professional Fangirling. Now, trust me, the majority of this article is her work and I am eternally grateful for this fabulous post she’s contributing to my Guest Post series as a special early entry. Please note that the below guide is our opinions, and trust me when I say we are in no way law-makers on the subject, lol. (In other words, DON’T HATE US xoxox)

1. No matter how much you love them, never say, “I love you so much” because that is what you would say to your mum, boyfriend or a person you have known for longer than a second. Love their music/their hair/their current shirt/a recent tweet? Tell them that! I know you think you know them, but you don’t.

2.If you are about to meet them, act as if you are okay with this happening. Even though you may feel like there is a Tsunami in your body that makes you want to jump your favorite band, don’t. You will be forcefully escorted away from them, defeating the whole purpose of being there in the first place.

3.If you are at all able to, don’t wear their band merchandise. From experience, it causes a heap of awkward silences when you ask for a photo and there you are, wearing their band shirt with the drummer standing next to you. Trust me, when you look back on that moment you will say, “My mind told me not to wear a Paramore shirt today and here I am with Zac Farro”. Trust me dudes. Also, wearing the merch of another band/artist probably isn’t the best of ideas.

4. Signings Part 1: This is a hard one to conquer. The moment your favorite band that you have loved for 6 years strolls into the singing room and your heart feels like it has stopped is a normal reaction. Screaming, crying, shaking uncontrollably is not. They are not about to murder you and a signing room is no place to react in such manner (mainly because they can see you, full frontal freak out). There you are, handing over your signed garment and you are screaming in their face with steaming tears falling down your “used to be” well applied make-up face. (See image insert)

5. Signing Part 2: You have about 1 minute (if that) with a band so make it memorable. A simple “hello, your band is amazing” or “Your set was fantastic” will suffice as a reasonable comment to the amazingly attractive male (or female) in front of you. A quiet “hello” or “OMG I AM GOING TO GET YOUR FACE TATTOOED ON MY ASS” is NOT what you say. Take it from me ladies and gents, that never ends well; I promise you.

6. Camping outside bands’ hotels is a big no-no. I know that you want to meet them/get a glimpse of their faces but in some countries, it’s a felony so veer away from that as much as possible. Being arrested for trying to catch a glimpse of the Biebz probably isn’t worth the criminal record. Stalking also can be quite a difficult task to undertake, leading me into the airport mission.

7. Airport Mission 101: I personally have never gone to an airport to meet a band but have meet my fair share of lingering male musicians getting a casual juice at a juice bar (believe the juice story at your own will). The approach is crucial. Never seem to keen to meet them with your camera out ready to snapshot their face as soon as they turn around. It’s understandable to be prepared but having the camera securely in your pocket works too. Stand behind them looking at the menu and simply gaze to your left (left is always safest option) and casually smile their way and politely get their attention. This will lead to a comfortable meet and greet for all persons involved and even some band photo bombing may occur (if lucky). People like nice people who respect them, so go easy on the keen body language. Done. Also, PLAN AHEAD. If the band you’re fangirling over is so massive that they couldn’t stop for fans at the previous airport, odds are they probably won’t be permitted to stop at your airport.

8. As with everything else in life, safety comes first. All of you are generally there because you share a love of a certain artist or band and that should be a positive thing. Fangirls hating on other fangirls is not cool. Punching someone in the face over a drumstick isn’t the best look. As we mentioned earlier, security usually have a whole lot of authority in these situations, so it’s probably in your best interest to listen to their instructions. They’re also there to help you (especially those of you who experience panic attacks directly linked to being pushed up against the barrier in the mosh pit), so yeah. Remember that time in Paris Liam lost his shoe and Niall started crying because of his claustrophobia? Crazy surging mobs of people aren’t something I’d personally like to be faced with and I realise it’s often not in your control as an individual fangirl, but try your best to stay safe and be aware of the safety of others around. This can also mean normal safety stuff, like having plenty of credit on your phone, lots of water to stay hydrated and an allocated meeting place/”What if we get separated?” strategy with your fellow fangirl mates.

9. Hair flipping: A do or a don’t? Obviously I am going to touch on the screaming hair flipping catastrophe occurrence when boy bands are involved (I’m talking to you Directioners). It’s all about the hairspray ladies. To avoid frizzled, tangled and even self-salivated hair, ensure that the front fringe and hair extensions are covered well with hairspray and securely clipped in. At gigs, always wear your hair up or don’t pull out the hair-whipping move in a crowded mosh pit. Nobody likes strands of hair for dinner; it’s a bit of an OH&S issue. Back to the unprofessional fangirl hair issue, don’t hair whip and scream at the same time. I can promise you, when channel TEN are filming you for ‘The Project’ and you are screaming and whipping hair all over other girls (hello, double chin), not only is it recorded for life, it’s also something your teenage daughters can bring back out 20 years later when they are 14 and want to sleep on the streets for One Direction: The Come Back Tour. Trust me, when that happens, all that hair flipping will seem overwhelming, but for all the wrong reasons.

And that’s pretty much it.

Now that you know that you know how to conduct yourself as a professional fan girl, you will have no problem with meeting your favorite band/artist. Any questions?

Have some Niall Horan love:

Slán agat!

P.S A quick note on online fangirling: sending hate to the significant others of your favourite artists/band members is stupid and horrible and wrong. I think a fair rule to abide by is to consider whether or n0t you would walk up to the person in question and say what you’ve written online to their face. Jealously isn’t attractive on anyone. The thing about the internet, especially if you have public accounts, is that people can find things you say. Your favourite band members or artists are actually people too, in case you didn’t realise. Don’t be like that poor girl who made that tumblr rant about how the One Direction boys “DON’T DESERVE FANS LIKE US” and then suffered the misfortune of someone tweeting the post to Liam, who responded. Awks.

Have a great day, now!

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