Guest Post: Nobody likes a fat hooker

This post contains references to eating disorders & body image that may be triggering.

Another piece from the guest post series, yay! Today’s guest post is from my dear friend Adrian. You can follow him on Twitter here, if you like, and check out other guest posts in the series here! Have a great day!

Nobody likes a fat hooker.

…But everyone would like a Zac Efron! With a side of fries. And maybe a thick shake and an apple pie. Or is that just me?

For those who know me and follow me on twitter, it’s probably too frequently I use the hashtag, #nobodylikesafathooker when indulging in the 2 packets of Tim Tams and box of Oreos I consumed last week, or if I’m having an excitedly food filled day.

But what’s underlying is something much deeper than the prospects of a career in prostitution: male body image. I know, I know, I’ve just missed the official week for it, but a recent uni event had made me really reconsidering the issue.

I attend a university where we’re always naked Arts Academy and many functions and events require a whole lot of skin showing, like Sleazeball. But we’ll touch on that later. A few days ago there was something called “Nudie Calendar”. Yes, it’s exactly what you’re thinking. The whole year level strips down to their bare necessities, covering their porn bits to take photos for our assigned month. But the photo was missing a few people. Not just girls, but guys as well. Specifically one of my friends who’s much thinner and fitter than myself, afraid of being too thin compared to the rest of us.

Yes my lovers, guys have body issues too.

Feel free to flip through any magazine, ASOS website or clothing store and they’re everywhere. The perfect male specimen. I realise there’s no such thing as a “perfect” body because it’s different to everyone blah blah blah. But it’s being shoved in our faces more and more that we all MUST look like this. Lemme pick it up and break it down for you, real people don’t look like that unless they devote their life to being sah totez  hott omg. But the thing is, I tried it. And boy did it backfire into something WAY worse.

*Cue nostalgic music* I was once “fat” growing up. I was that kid who never took off his shirt. Year 8 and 9 didn’t treat me so well on the looks front, but a slight life overhaul had me in 3 years about 20kgs lighter. I know right.  It was possible that I just “grew into it”, but I wanted more. My friends and I always joke to each other about how “we’re so fat” while we consume our body mass in jam donuts from the bakery down the road, but breaking it down, there’s more to it. We sit in that fine line of extra-baggage and toned. Well duh, we know we’re not obese, but at the same time, we’re not Zefron hot. Here in limbo we exist without direction of knowing if we shall tip the scales one day or float above them the next.

This brings me to Sleazeball. A themed uni event that allows you to be as slutty as you like in as little as you want. The mirror of vanity struck hard with its reflection and I needed to fix it. I hit the gym. I ate better. I got more sleep. I drank diet shakes. I cut out meals. I detoxed. I felt faint. I only ate steamed vegetables. I passed out in my own vomit 30 minutes into the party. Well that escalated quickly. My friends and I who were on this same diet in our sick and twisted minds thought it was a great idea, COMPLETELY ignoring the fact that, “gosh Adrian, that sounds an awful lot like an eating disorder?” Maybe BECAUSE IT WAS. But we looked hot so whatevz, right?

The day after, minus a few brain cells, I slipped into a Macca’s coma, posted a few #nobodylikesafathooker tweets and re-evaluated my life choices. Then it hit me. (No, not the immense hangover pain, well that too) but the fact that only you care about what you look like to other people. Everybody else couldn’t give a shit if you don’t have designer abs or look like Zefron. (Although it would be nice). And if getting completely starkers with my year level didn’t clear it up even more, I’m not sure what will.

Media focuses so much on how females are affected by airbrushing and one-cube-of-cheese-a-day models that they tend to forget about the other gender of the population. There will always be gym-junkies, Dolce and Gabbana models and Zac Efron. But there may never be equal awareness for male problems if we don’t speak up!

I’m a man. I have body confidence issues, but it doesn’t compromise my confidence.

And yes, this year I finally did take off my shirt.

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